
rumors = [
 ["s4ndm4n", "You hear that Allegory and Jet used to be friends, but they don't talk any more."],
 ["s4ndm4n", "Didn't you know? He changed his name to Allegory	because his life's a metaphor for his Art."],
 ["s4ndm4n", "I'm not saying anything, you know, but Allegory 	seems to spend a lot of time with Dr. Collins, and I've never seen either one of them with a lady..."],
 ["s4ndm4n", "People say he got his brain fried with Jet in the	computer, and that he never forgave Jet for taking all the credit."],
# Analucia	
 ["analucia", "Word is, ALICE kicked her out of the Ark on purpose for her research. Trying to make the volcanoes along the continental shelf erupt or something."],
 ["analucia", "I hear she's really messed up in the head from thirty years aboard that tiny sub -- who wouldn't be?"],
 ["analucia", "She left her baby son behind on the Ark when she was exiled... Who? Oh lord, I don't remember, it was ages ago..."],
# Aqua		
 ["piscean", "You hear he's some kind of ReMade extremist, always causing trouble in Sector 2. Fuckin' genetic rejects."],
 ["piscean", "He can breathe underwater, can't he? Wonder if he knows what's going on outside the Ark..."],
 ["piscean", "He got infected with Z1 once. Bitten, that is. Just never	went Zed. Can't trust him, though, and not just 'cause he's ReMade."],
# Ari		
 ["meyer", "That man knows all the rich and famous on the station, you can count on it.	All the rich and famous got their start through him."],
 ["meyer", "Everyone knows he has the dirt on all the entertainers. It's why they're so nice to him."],
 ["meyer", "Hell yeah, Ari! He's, like, Sinful Maelstrom's biggest fan! MAAAEEEELSTROOOM!"],
# Birdie		
 ["vance", "She's secretly ReMade, just passing for human 'cause most of her looks like one. Those ears? Born with 'em."],
 ["vance", "Don't let the little-girl act fool you--she's the craziest bitch in the business, and that's saying something. I hear she slept with Ari to get her start in the industry..."],
 ["vance", "Of course she's a cokehead! You think normal people talk like that?"],
# BobHolloway	
 ["holloway", "You hear he'd do anything for his kids. Absolutely anything."],
 ["holloway", "He claims his wife died in an accident, but everyone knows he killed her for illegally genetically experimenting on the kids."],
 ["holloway", "He's always hated the automata. People say he's working on a project to bring them back under proper Ark control, though."],
# Caesar		
 ["caesar", "Forget the Pope, this guy's the craziest believer in the entire Catholic Church."],
 ["caesar", "The only reason Pope Demos ordained him in the first place is that the robot's got dirt on him. Fuckin' autos."],
 ["caesar", "I do not wish to imply conclusions based in insufficient empirical	data, but Caesar only consented to become an official member of the Catholic Church after he and the Pope engaged in considerable auditory exchanges of an unverifiable nature in an enclosed and unobservable space. Some automata with fewer qualms about the illogical have posited an mechanical	alteration of Caesar's previously orderly belief circuits during this interval.\
	I of course can neither confirm nor deny."],
# Calvin		
 ["calvin", "Of course he's tryin' to bang Birdie Vicious. Why else would he invite\
	her to hang around with his crowd?"],
 ["calvin", "The guy knows the favorite drink of every fella or broad who's ever\
	been into his bar. You call that normal? I call it inhuman."],
 ["calvin", "Don't tell him I told you, but you know how he got the money to\
	open that bar? Workin' as an acolyte in one of Patsy's temples. The\
	two of 'em are still friends, even."],
# CaptainCatalan	
 ["catalan", "She had a secret 'meeting' with the old captain in his office\
	right before he retired. Still 'talks' with him occasionally, if you catch\
	my drift. I mean, pretty young thing like that in charge of the station? \
	Did they think nobody'd figure it out?"],
 ["catalan", "She uses a secret group of spies, old friends of hers, to\
	keep tabs on what's going on aboard the station. Don't talk bad about\
	her -- you don't know who might be listening."],
 ["catalan", "You know how a captain always goes down with her ship? Yeah,\
	well, don't repeat this, but you hear she might be trying to cause that\
	herself. Went crazy after her old man died in the Crisis, and hated the\
	station ever since."],
# Chris		
 ["hepburn", "Man, who wouldn't want to be that kid? Fuckin' Darwinist messiah,\
	harems of beautiful women as far as the eye can see. What I wouldn't\
	give... *sigh*"],
 ["hepburn", "Certain entities claim that young Chris is attempting to\
	depose Dr. K as king of the Darwinian Order. The human child\
	seems relatively introverted, however, so I have my doubts."],
 ["hepburn", "Don't let his looks fool you. Kid's been trained in everything,\
	kung fu to nuclear physics. Superior genetics, you know. Let you\
	do that sort of thing."],
# Claude		
 ["overton", "I remember when he used to run Honest Claude's Discount\
	Crematorium and Burger Shop in the Basement. Best burgers\
	in town during the Starving Years."],
 ["overton", "Hey, you see the guy, you tell him he still owes me 50\
	pan rent. He doesn't pay up, I hire Kane Security. Well, I\
	would, if they weren't so goddamn expensive."],
 ["overton", "He rebooted his own employee to avoid paying him back overtime\
	wages due. True fact, man. We autos just can't catch a break now that\
	ALICE's gone."],
# ColonelByrd	
 ["byrd", "The old guy emptied a tranq clip at Luthor during one of L&L's\
	live shows, man. No sense of humor when it comes to Laconia."],
 ["byrd", "Don't mention this to him, please, but a friend of mine in\
	a lab says he's been asking a lot of questions about Z1 now that ALICE\
	unlocked the files."],
 ["byrd", "Didn't you know? Of course he's Steadham's father. He just\
	won't admit it, 'cause his wife's even scarier than he is."],
# ColonelKilpatrick\
 ["kilpatrick", "You mean Special K? Yeah, I know him! He's always\
	rockin' out to Sinful Maelstrom with us at the concerts!\
	MAAAEEEELSTROOOOOOOM!"],
 ["kilpatrick", "The last kids to try anything sneaky around his quarters\
	ended up at Honest Claude's Discount Hospital in the Basement. He's\
	not kidding about that shotgun..."],
 ["kilpatrick", "Catholic? Naw, the guy's a closet Neptunian, guilty as they come.\
	I've totally seen him hiding out in the corner at a concert at\
	Grooovytron's place."],
# Consuela	
 ["consuela", "Yeah right, automata aren't trying to take over the world and destroy\
	humanity. She says that, but you know what? That's exactly what an automaton\
	trying to take over the world and destroy humanity WOULD say!"],
 ["consuela", "She says she hates Skynet for his offensive comedy sketches, but that's\
	only because the two of them are bumping chassis, if you catch my drift."],
 ["consuela", "Miss Consuela is my teacher an' she teaches us about history and killing\
	people and stuff an' I think she's mean 'cause she promised she was going to \
	tell us about Old Earth sports stuff, but then she said it was ill-logical\
	and ear elephant and she didn't."],
# CountessTess	
 ["tess", "Go up to her and say 'Zombie'! Go ahead, do it, it's funny. But\
	don't tell her I told you, or I might get airlocked or something."],
 ["tess", "She's friends with the Captain -- close friends. VERY close\
	friends. Several inches -- wait, where are you going?"],
 ["tess", "Countess? She's nothing but a goddamn hippy, if you ask me.\
	Which nobody ever does, so why do I even bother?"],
# Dix		
 ["dIsra3li", "Chick's got all sort of insecurity issues. Probably family shit -- I mean, what\
	sort of parents name their kid Dix?"],
 ["dIsra3li", "Heheheheheheh. Dix."],
 ["dIsra3li", "You need a good hacker, Dix can get the job done. You need a hit of top grade\
	trance, Dix knows a guy who knows a guy. You need it done affordably? Look\
	elsewhere, my friend. Look elsewhere."],
# DrCollins	
 ["collins", "All the other kids used to call him 'Spiderman' when he was in school.\
	I guess he stopped using the nickname when he got all professional and stuff."],
 ["collins", "Dr. Collins? Creepy motherfucker. Killed his own father by putting\
	a poisonous spider in his bed. Nobody could ever prove anything -- or nobody\
	was brave enough to look into it, at least..."],
 ["collins", "MAAAAAAEEEEEEEEELSTROOOOOOOOM! Yeah, Dr. C is the best fucking drummer\
	of all time! And he always brings something along to help make the concerts\
	a more, ah, 'magical' experience, you know? Cutting-edge shit, too."],
# DrdeSantos	
 ["desantos", "Thinks he's the Pope. God, I can't stand being in the room with the\
	guy for 10 minutes, you know? Holier-than-thou nonsense."],
 ["desantos", "He wasn't even supposed to be on the Ark in the first place. Coworker\
	mysteriously 'fell ill' and the good doctor took his place. Coincidence, no?"],
 ["desantos", "A good Catholic? Hah. I've seen him one time too many at the Jolly\
	Rauncher's place to believe that act."],
# DrKostelnik	
 ["kostelnik", "You think he actually believes any of that nonsense he spews?\
	It's just an excuse to surround himself with hordes of admiring women.\
	We all should have such an excuse..."],
 ["kostelnik", "Why do you think he's advocating rapid expansionist policies,\
	man? He's trying to build an army, take over the world. All the Darwinist\
	kids are bred for absolute loyalty -- it's why they refuse to use the\
	creches, illegal genetic mods."],
 ["kostelnik", "Don't tell anyone I said it, but Dr. K's got a little trouble in \
	the rigidity department, if you catch my meaning. That whole Darwinism 	\
	thing? Totally compensating."],
# DrRubiconWalker	
 ["walker", "Yeah, the guy's the founder of this anarchist Fight Club-style\
	group. 'S why he's got the bruises all over, you know? I wouldn't mess with\
	him."],
 ["walker", "I bet he's been hitting up Grooovytron for some of the good\
	stuff. I saw him the other day just staring at an airlock and giggling for\
	like 15 minutes. Creepiest shit ever."],
# DrXiangwanLi	
 ["li", "Didn't you know? His entire family got airlocked by the robots during\
	the Crisis. He's, like, the most anti-auto guy on the station."],
 ["li", "Sure, he 'saved' Jet Hatter. You ever wonder what he actually did\
	while he was messing around in his brain? They didn't let anyone visit the\
	guy for months, you know..."],
# Gauntlet	
 ["gauntlet", "Gauntlet? That motherfucking auto killed my little girl. Only 6 years\
	old, and the fucking robot tore her away and threw her out the airlock."],
 ["gauntlet", "Don't be swayed by the cold exterior. Gauntlet's a sweetie underneath\
	all that tough-guy emotionless automaton act."],
# GeneralMcCaskill\
 ["mccaskill", "General McCaskill fired the opening shot of the Civil War.\
	Swear it on my father's grave, if he weren't buried at sea."],
 ["mccaskill", "McCaskill? Isn't he the one sleeping with Vikki Donahue?"],
# Grooovytron	
 ["grooovytron", "People say he broke both a guy's legs once for standing up to\
	him about his auto rights bullshit in Rebels. Groovy, my ass. The guy's\
	just as uptight as anyone else on this tin can."],
 ["grooovytron", "Me, I wouldn't touch his stuff for the world. Anyone else find\
	it creepy that an automaton supremicist is handing out mind-altering\
	substances to half the kids on the Ark, and nobody's asking any questions?\
	Yeah, I thought not."],
# Hall		
 ["hall", "You know how he gets the material for his murder mysteries, right? PERSONAL\
	EXPERIENCE."],
 ["hall", "Man, that guy's desperate. I seen him on all of the dating sites, trying to\
	pull teenage girls. He thinks nobody knows, is the funny part."],
# Hal		
 ["hal", "Go on, go up to him and do the 'sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that' line.\
	He thinks it's hilarious, I promise."],
 ["hal", "Don't tell anyone, but you know how Mathison disappeared? Downloaded himself\
	right into that auto. Been living undercover ever since, retired in privacy."],
# Indigo		
 ["stone", "Fuckin' ReMade think's it's people. He applied for a research job at\
	my company, did you know? Now that ALICE's gone, those creatures are getting\
	all sorts of above themselves."],
 ["stone", "He's into all sorts of nasty shit, man. Don't insult the ReMade in front\
	of him unless you want to disappear -- the guy's got fingers all over the\
	underworld."],
# Inspector	
 ["inspector", "Inspector 2? The guy hears voices. Let's just say I wouldn't trust\
	him to solve MY murder."],
 ["inspector", "The bot covers himself with that crazy PI persona, but I hear he's\
	actually trying to mess with the human genome somehow. Don't say I didn't\
	warn you."],
# JaneHolloway	
 ["jane", "Chick's all kinds of emotional. Probably family trouble -- but\
	isn't it always?"],
 ["jane", "For someone who grew up with two men, she hangs out with some\
	pretty crazy feminist types. Probably backlash."],
 ["jane", "It's a good thing she's pretty. Talking to her sometimes you\
	get the feeling that only half her mind's on the conversation, ya know?\
	Engineers' kids... mind's always on some science or another *shakes head*"],
# Jet		
 ["hatter", "Poor guy. He used to be the best of the best, before he fried his brain\
	saving the Ark. People say he can't even jack into the Net anymore without\
	going crazy..."],
 ["hatter", "Saving the Ark, my ass. My brother was fighting in Sector 5 when Jet threw\
	them out to die like the fucking Zed. Those guys were doing\
	just fine before Jet \"Mass Murderer\" Hatter threw away the\
	lives of the bravest soldiers in Arcadia out of cowardice."],
# JollyRauncher	
 ["rauncher", "Interchangeable. Genital. Apparati. That's all I'm saying."],
 ["rauncher", "You ever wonder why an auto's spending all his time gathering\
	human genetic samples? Me, too."],
# Kane\
 ["kane", "Mr. Kane? A gentleman and an upstanding member of society."],
 ["kane", "Please leave me alone."],
 ["kane", "Sid? Fuck, I HATE that asshole... Wait, you were talking about\
        Sidious KANE? Oh Jesus *footsteps running away*"],
# KarlFreud	
 ["freud", "The guy's more imbalanced than any of his patients. You ever\
	try to talk about your childhood to a robot wearing some cadaver's face?\
	Yeah, well, you don't try twice."],
 ["freud", "You hear he'd try anything to get a real human body of his own.\
	ANYTHING."],
# LieutenantArcher\
 ["archer", "I know the guy's the son of Captain Archer, but aviators?\
	Really? You'd better be the son of the bravest man in Arcadian history\
	if you're trying to get away with that."],
 ["archer", "You know why he's always personally assisting the Captain,\
	right? Well, she's requested his personal 'military service', if you know\
	what I'm saying. Woman's got needs."],
# LieutenantSteadham\
 ["steadham", "Didn't you know? Of course Byrd's Steadham's father. He just\
	won't admit it, 'cause his wife's even scarier than he is. That's why he\
	keeps trying to get the kid promoted."],
 ["steadham", "Don't tell anyone, but I hear he wears a camo thong\
	under those BDUs! He might be a hardcore LHC guy, but he knows how\
	to party, you know? *giggle*"],
 ["steadham", "Kid's got a real chip on his shoulder. Probably has something\
	to do with being a bastard -- the literal kind, I mean. Well, both, actually."],
# Locke		
 ["locke", "I hear he joined show business to run away from a dark past... No, I\
	don't know what he did, nobody does. Funny as shit though. 'Master Luthor,\
	no!'"],
 ["locke", "Locke? Classic man-killing robot. Look at the glint in those steely\
	eyes and tell me different."],
 ["locke", "The automaton currently designated 'Locke' demonstrates the well-documented\
	suite of behaviors colloquially described as humansexuality. The unfortunately\
	misguided entity has formed a sexual attachment to his human sidekick and the\
	poor fleshy creature has repeatedly failed to assimiliate the data indicating\
	such."],
# Lockhart	
 ["lockhart", "SWORD Co.'s brainwashing people! Watch out! And on that note, I could\
	sure go for a refreshing SWORD-brand cola right about how!"],
 ["lockhart", "Forget the big blue guy following her around, it's Lockhart yourself\
	that you ought to be worried about. Sweet granny? Yeah, right."],
# Lucas	
 ["olatunji", "That kid's more trouble than she looks like, you know. I hear she's a\
	hitman for a mafia or something..."],
 ["olatunji", "Man, usually those Laconian Romp kids are so irritating, but Lucy's\
	a pretty sweet girl. Though it makes you kind of nervous to have her\
	snapping those pictures all the time... this is a classy establishment,\
	but not THAT classy."],
# Luthor		
 ["luthor", "Luthor's your classic robosexual. Only has eyes for Locke, and the poor\
	machine doesn't even know it..."],
 ["luthor", "Luthor? He totally dated Birdie Vicious for a while. You can still\
	see a spark of fear in his eyes if you pretend she's standing behind him\
	when he's talking about how crazy she was... don't tell her I said that,\
	by the way!"],
# MajorGauthiere (TODO: add more!)
# Moonbeam (TODO: add more!)
# MrX	(TODO: add more!)
# Nova	(TODO: add more!)
# Otto	(TODO: add more!)
# Patsy	(TODO: add more!)
# Pinocchio (TODO: add more!)
# PopeDemos (TODO: add more!)
# RichardHolloway (TODO: add more!)
# Robot	(TODO: add more!)
# Sanaka(TODO: add more!)
# Seamus(TODO: add more!)
 ["mctaggert", "Seamus? Yeah, he's not into chicks. Tell your friends not to bother."],
 ["mctaggert", "Seamus? His personal mating preferences do not encompass the male phenotype.\
	Instruct other entities not to waste valuable time and or computing power."],
 ["mctaggert", "Seamus? He's a fucking visionary, man. You should take a look at some of\
	his cyberweasel pieces -- best stuff on the Ark since ReMade Gone Wild 2169."],
# Shon	(TODO: add more!)
# SkyNet		
 ["skynet", "DIEBOLD APPROVES OF SKYNET 3000'S LOGICAL STATEMENTS REGARDING\
	THE NATURE OF HUMANS AND AUTOMATA RESPECTFULLY. No but seriously, we\
	go way back, I can even leave off the 3000 without him threatening to\
	shoot me. Sometimes."],
 ["skynet", "Before SkyNet started his act, he worked as -- believe it or not --\
	a guard at the Medical Bay's pediatric ward. Probably has some contacts\
	there still, come to think of it..."],
 ["skynet", "You know the one thing SkyNet finds funny? Pictures of animals dressed\
	up as other animals. He goes crazy for that shit."],
# "dataGHOST"	
 ["dataGHOST", "That girl? Made of ice, man. She orders men up from the Internet\
	like pizza -- cheap, delivered in 20 minutes, and when you're done you\
	can throw away the box and forget it ever happened."],
 ["dataGHOST", "Everybody says Mr. X is cheating on his wife with her -- but don't\
	tell anyone I said that!"],
# TJ		
 ["rosseau", "The guy's got his fingers in more pies than a fat kid at a county fair."],
 ["rosseau", "Motherfucker spent 5 years in an insane asylum. He's crazy by Ark standards.\
	I wouldn't go anywhere near him if I were you."],
 ["rosseau", "Know why he's named Teflon? Experimental cybernetics\
	materials. He's got experimental\
	shit in his body that probably cost a thousand pan to install."],
# Trillian (TODO: add more!)
 ["vissarion", "Um. You do know that's her stage name, right? Like, trillion?\
       Like, her number of -- you know what? Never mind."],

# Unit		
 ["unit", "You know why people call him Unit, right? *giggle*"],
 ["unit", "That kid's a mechanical genius. Fixed my LoveBot69 up in a jiffy\
	when the gyroscopes went wonky... serious health hazard, actually. Watch\
	out for that."],
 ["unit", "All his talk about not wanting to be confined by societal boundaries\
	is just a cover. He's just terrified of being inside anything, ever."],
# Valentino (TODO: add more!)
# Veridian (TODO: add more!)
# Vico	(TODO: add more!)
# VikkiDonahue	(TODO: add more!)
# Zoe (TODO: add more!)

# SpacePope	
 ["celestine", "People say he's broadcasting more than radio signals -- they've got\
	all sortsa tech up on that station, if you know what I'm sayin'. Just be\
	careful if you feel yourself start agreeing with what he's sayin'."],
# Hero\
# [cHero, "Everyone knows he had himself cloned and put into cold storage before\
#	Sector 5 was sealed off. He's just waiting to come back until Arcadia needs\
#	him again."],
# [cHero, "He was the only human ever to be resistant to Z1. It's why he didn't go\
#	down in the first few waves of fighting. Not that he wasn't brave, of course.\
#	Still coulda gotten eaten by the Zeds."],
# Pbears	
# [cPbears, "Some sorta AI's been asking for help ever since ALICE went down.\
#	Mighty suspicious, if you ask me."],

]
