Burrito Bandito looks like a burrito place. It has all the trappings of a Mexican eatery; kitschy art depicting a man in a sombrero, horchata on tap, the sound of sizzling meat in the background.\n\nThey even have a menu posted on the wall that tells you all the various burritos it makes.\n\nBut Burrito Bandito is not a Mexican eatery.\n\nIt's a giant middle finger made of drywall.\n\nSure, the sign says \"Home of the Baby Bandito\" but what it really means is \"Fuck you, Taco Bell across the parking lot. Fuck you and your blatant mockery of our culture's food. Fuck you and your 99 cent hamburger helper burritos. We will not stand for this assfuckery. We will make real Mexican food. You know, the kind where you have to roll your r's just to pronounce it. We'll serve it in a low key yet reasonably aesthetically pleasing dining room of unsanded wooden tables and metal chairs. And charge our patrons an understandably larger price for our food because it's homemade which is totally opposite of your food.\"\n\nAt first you might be put off.\n\nYou'll be saying \"Whoa, Burrito Bandito. What's the deal? What's with the 'tude?\"\n\nAnd then you, on the suggestion of someone who knows best, order a plate of baby banditos.\n\nOne taste of those perfectly tiny chimichangas smothered in jalapeno cream cheese dip and you'll be in the know, man.\n\nYou'll know the score.\n\nAnd before you know it you're ordering off the menu with reckless abandon.\n\nFuck you, GI tract, you'll say.\n\nI want Huevos Rancheros with the hottest salsa they have...at 3 in the afternoon. \n\nI want an El Patron burrito with a side order of baby banditos.\n\nGive me the carna asada tacos, and you know what, screw the Mexican rice. Give me a double order of refried beans, baby. \n\nAnd you better believe I want sour cream in my burrito.\n\nI want the guy in the cubicle next to me to suffer.\n\nAnd when some jabroni walks in, looks at both BB menu and the \"Faty Daddy\" menu (that's how insane Burrito Bandito is. It's two restaurants in one. It's got split personalities) and asks aloud \"Hmmmm, do I want a burger?\"\n\nYou'll think to yourself \"No, you don't want a fucking burger. If you did you would've gone to McDonald's or Jack in the Box.\"\n\nAnd then you'll realize that you said it out loud. But you won't care. He ain't going to start shit.\n\nThat El Patron burrito you're eating could choke a donkey. There's no way this candyass is going to mouth off to you when you are so obviously reeking of badassery.\n\nIn closing, Burrito Bandito is a loose-cannon burrito shop that doesn't play by the rules.\n\nI'll take \"Awesome Campaign Slogan Ideas Not Tried Yet\" For 500, Alex.