And my streak of staying in quality hotels comes to a screeching halt.\n\nWhen I'm not vacationing and just need a room to crash in, I tend to be a utilitarian when it comes to hotels. I just need a clean place to sleep and shower and I'm pretty much satisfied. You'd think a hotel by the airport from a national brand would be a safe bet. But no.\n\nFor starters, the neighborhood is just disgusting, and I am not easily fazed by such things. Meth labs would count as urban gentrification. I went to check in on Foursquare and the first suggested location that popped up was PROSTITUTES - HOE STROLL.\n\nThe old building had a fresh coat of paint, so I maintained my optimism. We got into the room, which was spacious and mostly clean. Acceptably so, at least. It looked like it had been remodeled sometime recently, although the carpet had more cigarette burns than the arms of a working girl who can't make Daddy's quota.\n\nI was OK with mediocrity for $49 a night until I walked into the bathroom. The door was literally hanging off its hinges. And the window had been shattered. And there was a smear of feces on the wall.\n\nIf walls could talk, right? These would say GET THE POOP OFF ME.\n\nI was thinking two stars at first, but then overnight, I could barely sleep because the paper-thin walls let in every sound from the whole unsavory neighborhood, from the hookers pretending to enjoy their work, from the drug dealers outside, from what sounded like feral cats in heat.\n\nWe got the hell out of there as soon as we woke up and drove around Phoenix randomly all morning rather than spend another minute in the room.\n\nJust awful.