Toby Keith once made a song and accompanying video for \"I Love this Bar\". The songs chorus was a blatant rip off of the Crash Tests Dummies (mmm, mmm, mmm?!?) and I'm really surprised that all of Canada didn't protest and simultaneously sue him in turn for this blasphemy. The video was also a blatant rip off of my second favorite scene from \"The Blues Brothers\" movie (sorry but even Jake and Elwood can't hold a candle to Cab Calloway singing Mini the Moocher) where the boys end up playing (Rawhide anyone?) in a rural, run down country bar. Beyond knowing that he sings songs vaguely country music like in nature and that he was a very outspoken \"Support our troops and America Fuck Yeah!\" kind of guy that pandered to Middle Americans I don't know much about one Toby Keith. Don't get me wrong I do have a soft spot for a smattering of country crooners, but Toby doesn't really seem to be in the same league (or hemisphere really) as the likes of George Jones, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and the original Hank Williams.\n\nThe hap and circumstance as to why I and the better half ended up in \"Toby Keith's I Love this Bar and Grill\" are unimportant but we have forgiven...though I have not forgotten. If Toby Keith had any consulting help when he green lit and went forward with this idea the company that did so should be dissolved and the yes men that told him that the name was a fantastic idea should be drawn and quartered. The name is entirely too long and the place is such an abomination that the man should be embarrassed to have his name attached to it. The name is so long that I will not be referring to it as Toby Keith's I Love this Bar and Grill and because I'm so embarrassed for him having his named attached to it I don't want to call it just \"Toby Keith's\". I haven't thought of a suitable nickname yet but \"Turd Bucket\" has a nice ring to it.\n\nThe \"bar\" is nothing more than a tourist trap where everything is overpriced and comes complete with a full size store where you can buy all the Toby Keith's I Love this Bar and Grill merch your credit card can carry. The menu is uninspired, the contents of which you can find better quality at any BBQ or steak joint anywhere in the city. I've actually seen better looking steaks come off of an electric stove top. The actual physical bar is gigantic (I'm guessing like Texas, everything is bigger in Toby Keith's world) which leaves plenty of space for the bar staff to completely ignore you. And oh the staff...a collection assembled for their perceived physical attributes and not actual skill left us with a feeling that a fraternity and sorority were all given community service for the night. Back in the days when I had cable I saw an advertisement for a \"plastic surgery nightmares\" show of some kind; I'm guessing they filmed most of it here. The female staff should have skipped the awful boob jobs and botched collagen lip jobs and opted to join a gym to get rid of their muffin tops and flabby appendages. The guys should probably just chop their balls off now before all the steroids shrivel them up. While I normally appreciate places that have a decent beer selection and carry PBR tall boys, I can't stand places that over charge for tall boys of PBR; which of course this place does.\n\nThe only salvageable quality of the place is that it was located super close to a freeway making our escape that much easier.  Correction...there were actually a mentionable moment on the dance floor located in front of the stage which were both ridiculously proportioned as well. Here we watched a cowboy dressed in matching black leather pants, vest and cowboy hat (shirtless except for the vest of course) twirl his female counterpart at dizzying speeds to a tune only they could here. His attire actually only reminded me of a little place called \"Charlie's\" and how the black leather dancer would have been a hit any given night there. In fact Charlie's is actually a superior country theme bar in every conceivable facet; even offer line dancing and two step lessons for all us budding cow pokes. It also happens to be one of the best gay dance clubs I've ever been to in my entire life. Something tells me we won't be hearing a new hit single by Toby Keith about Charlie's anytime soon.  But if he does pen a country song about Charlie's I'd like to suggest that he just rips off one of his own songs...perhaps the chorus could be...\"Mmm, mmm, mmm I love that...\" Alas dear reader, the rooster is crowing and the pullet is trying to get out of its cage. You'll forgive this capon if he doesn't finish that last thought.